


a taste of nectar upon his lips

by DragonEyez



Category: Godsfall Podcast D&D Campaign
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst without a happy ending, EDIT: so because of jordan there might be a chance of, Hadestown AU, M/M, dead dove don't eat, its real sad gay hours, or at least angst with a bittersweet ending, this isn't a happy story y'all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonEyez/pseuds/DragonEyez
Summary: Wherever he is wanderingAlone upon the earthLet all our singing follow himAnd bring him comfortSome flowers bloom when the green grass growsMy praise is not for themBut the one who blooms in the bitter snowI raise my cup to him





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> you don't need to have listened to hadestown to understand this fic (though i would recommend it because its Good)
> 
> so this is my first endeavour at a multichapter fic in a Hot Minute its gonna take me a minute to get pacing back down, enjoy!

Pera loved springtime. It was beautiful, the beginning of bounty and a sign that everything would be alright in the coming months. It’s when he began to save and prepare for the fall and winter, shaking off the shackles of cold and frost. It was also when Mordukai returned, and Yala ceased her grieving and finally allowed things to go back to the natural order of things.

And everyone in the land knew when spring arrived. It was because the train came aboveground. 

There was already a crowd waiting anxiously at the railway platform by the time Pera got there. An undrawn line a respectful distance away from the goddess formed its own barrier that the crowd knew not to cross. Everyone was straining to spot the train. It had turned into a competition so long ago that even Pera’s parents couldn’t remember when it started, but every year, whoever caught the first sight of the oncoming locomotive bearing Mordukai would be personally awarded by Yala; they would get the first fruit of spring, the kickoff of the party that would go on for the first week of spring as they sowed the fields and orchards.

“There it is!” Called the voice of a young man. The crowd surged in excitement, and sure enough, seconds later, the train came screaming out of the tunnel and towards the platform, finally coming to a halt with an ear-splitting screech and a cloud of steam. The crowd waited with bated breath. The doors slid open and out stepped the proud dark god, King of Death himself. 

He was swept up into a tight embrace by his twin amid cheering and applause. Once they finally separated, Yala took Mordukai by the hands and breathed in deep, taking in the sight of him. 

“Brother it has been an eternity.”

And Mordukai smiled back. “Sister, it’s barely been six months.”

They laughed and tears feel from Yala’s face and hit the ground, birthing snowdrops at her feet. 

“Come, come!” She called. “Who saw the train this year? Come forward!”

The crowd parted, letting a slight man with dark hair and fine features pass through untroubled. Pera felt his heart throb in his chest. The man broadly at Yala before bowing deeply. “My lady Yala. My lord Mordukai.”

“Stand and tell me your name child.”

“I am Xion son of-” he faltered for a minute, and Pera grimace in sympathy. “I am Xion.”

“Will Xion you have won this year, and as such, I offer you this.” She reached up to an overhanging branch where a peach grew in record time, fitting perfectly into the palm of her palm. She placed it into his waiting hands, and Pera swore he could smell it from where he was standing, far as he was. He watched Xion bite into it delicately, the pleasure clearly showing on his face.

Then Yala turned to the rest of them, arms raised out to her sides.

“Come now, I thought this was a celebration?”

“Who wants a drink?” Mordukai roared jovially.

And the crowd dispersed, setting up up tents and stalls and carts.

Pera himself had already done the amount of planting required to get himself set up in preparation for the upcoming festivals, so he trailed behind Yala and Mordukai to get the promised drink. Mordukai had brought a crate of pomegranates with him, as he did every year, and some he threw out to the people following (Pera caught one and stowed it away in his robes for later when he could savor it) and the rest he squeezed above a tub, wine dripping from his hands in volumes unbelievable to the human eye.

Cups of it were passed around, things toasted and merriment commenced. Pera took his cup into a nearby patch of sunlight, relishing the feeling of grass beneath his feet and the breeze in his hair. He watched as Mordukai moved around, shadowed by Yala. He was fascinated by the way that the gold bands that went all the way up his arms glinted in the sunlight. More than once, the god caught him staring and winked playfully, making Pera’s face as red as the pomegranate wine in his glass.

Eventually he grew bored of watching people fawn over The Twins and wandered off to find some of the fruit-bearing plants Yala had blessed while walking around. He stumbled upon a blackberry bush and happily picked them off one by one at his leisure. The juice stained his fingertips as time went on, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

_Crack_.

Laziness gave way to alertness, and Pera cautiously called out, “Who’s there?”

Out from the trees stepped the man from earlier, the one who’d won. Xion, he remembered his name was. He looked just as surprised to see Pera as Pera was him. His eyes went wide and he raised his hands. 

“Apologies, I didn’t realize there would be anyone else out here.”

“Not many people would be. But I don’t mind sharing.” He gestured for Xion to join him, and he did after a moment’s hesitation. “I’m Pera Rivers, by the way. And you’re Xion.”

Xion flushed slightly. “Ah so you were at the platform, then.”

“I don’t know anyone around here who wasn’t. So what are you doing all the way away from the parties?”

“I needed somewhere quiet to get some work done.” He brandished a small journal and a charcoal stick. “I’m a bit of an inventor you could say? And also a writer, I had some new ideas.”

Pera leaned in a little. “Well aren’t you quite the talented trainspotter?” He grinned as Xion flushed again.


	2. Chapter 2

As spring turned to summer, Pera spent more and more time with Xion. He learned that he was brilliant, that he had left his family behind due to...disagreements, and that he had a silver tongue. He charmed everyone he met, including Yala and Mordukai. 

One late summer’s day, the pair found themselves lounging amongst a much smaller group with the Twins, drinking in the sunlight. Pera had his head in Xion’s lap, happy to just relax for the day. Xion idly carded a hand through his hair, humming idly.

“So what I don’t understand,” he started, loud enough for all to hear. “Is what kind of person would willfully spend all his time deep in the mines when they could be enjoying all this.”

Yala laughed and elbowed Mordukai. “He’s talking about your man, brother!”

Mordukai smiled sadly and gestured for Xion to continue. “I know.”

“Why trade the sunshine and the open sky for love of money when you could have the love of,” he paused, looking down at Pera with a smile. “Other things?”

“If only I knew, young one.”

“We might not be wealthy, but if we treat each other right, there’s enough to go around. Times are hard but we don’t have to be.”

“What a poet you are.” The god praised. “People like you are why I enjoy returning. You know how to live up here. You truly understand.”

Pera didn’t even have to look to know Xion was preening. He loved the praise, seemed to thrive off it, really. It was cute in its own way. Pera wasn’t one for that, but he enjoyed the fact that Xion was. He sat up and kissed him sweetly, relishing in the fact that Xion tasted like sun-warmed berries. Bidding farewell to the Twins, he stood and went to leave, struck with the fact that he had to go weed his patch of land before it got much later in the day. Xion hurried after him, confused as to why he was leaving. 

“Where are you going?” He asked, catching Pera by the hand.

“Some of us have work to, lover.” Pera teased gently. “Just because the sun’s back doesn’t mean winter won’t return.”

“But do you have to work now?”

“If I want to eat come fall.”

Xion paused for a moment before taking up Pera’s other hand. “Marry me?”

“What?”

“Marry me.” He repeated. “You make me happy. I love you. The day I met you was the best of my life. I want to see you in the spring with berry-stained fingers and lips, and in the summer when you toil, and the fall when the world begins to die.”

“Xion,” Pera laughed. “You’re sweet, but sweet only gets you so far in life. I’m out here to live and keep going. Pretty words only get you so far. What do you know about getting your hands in the earth?”

At his words, Xion’s face flushed in embarrassment, and he ducked his head slightly. “Nothing, but I’m willing to learn. And I’m planning on changing the world, what with my pretty words and all.”

“Why would you want to marry me?”

“You’re someone who’s going to survive.”

“Why should I want to marry _you_?”

“Because I’m the one who makes you feel alive.”

Well, he had him there. Pera thought about it. Xion wouldn’t be a bad husband, and he could use a hand on the farm. And he was sweet, and kind, and treated him well. Pera knew enough to not take that for granted. 

“Well that’s a start. But who’s going to buy the bands? I sure don’t have any money for it. Do you?”

“I’ll fish the gold from the rivers myself.”

“Mmkay. But who’s going to lay the wedding table? Food’ll be getting scarce soon.”

“The trees still have plenty, we’ll collect from the groves and orchards.”

“You just have a comment for everything don’t you? Well my bed’s only big enough for me. Where’ll we get the wedding bed?”

“We can make it ourselves, from the bird feathers being shed.”

Pera pursed his lips, thinking hard,  
“That sounds alright. Now come on. I’ve got crops to care for, and so do you.”

And so they planned as they worked, side by side, hands in the earth. And it was beautiful. 

They got married in the last week of summer, as autumn leaves were already beginning to turn with Yala’s mood. Pera pulled aside Mordukai, asking him to bless their union. He figured a little divine intervention couldn’t hurt. Gods knew they would need it. He happily agreed, wishing them luck and health for the coming seasons.

But before they knew it, it was time for Mordukai to fulfill his other six months’ time. Down in Ani.

Ani had all sorts of rumors floating around about it. Some said it was a paradise, others, Hell on Earth. Below the earth. 

“I hear they’ve always got work there. Nobody’s hurting for coin, nobody starves.” Pera said wistfully, gazing towards the train tracks. 

Xion scoffed. “The measly amount of money they make isn’t worth the back-breaking labor.” 

“Zevan is a mighty king. He basically owns everything at this point, it can’t be all bad. I wonder what that’s like.”

“Zevan’s nothing but a slavedriver. You work for him, you’ve sold your soul, and that’s all there is to it.”

Before Pera could say anything else, the train came roaring up from the tunnel again, and after the brakes squealed and the steam cleared, Pera felt all the blood drain from his face. There on the platform stood Zavan himself, cruel and resplendent. He looked beautiful, in the same way that larkspur was. Beautiful, but deadly. Xion squeezed his hand and pulled him closer against his side. 

Together, they watched as Mordukai squared his shoulders and stepped up onto the platform, luggage in hand.

“You’re early.” He commented, visibly displeased. Zavan wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him in,

“I missed you.” Was the reply, and he pressed a kiss to his husband’s jaw. 

Zavan then snidely waved to Yala, and then swept the two of them back into the train car, taking the last hints of summer with them. 

From where Pera stood, a cold wind swept over the crowd, and he shivered.


	3. Chapter 3

Mordukai sat adjacent from his husband, staring out the window, not wanting to miss any part of his last glimpses of the sky for the next six months. Zavan kept reaching for his hand, but he crossed his arms over his chest, so instead, there was a pressure of another ankle against his own. 

“So how was your visit?”

“It was lovely. I blessed a wedding. I got to breathe fresh air.”

“People are still getting married?” Zavan scoffed. “In times like these?”

Mordukai fixed him with a cold stare. “In the times that you manufactured to be like this? Yes, even then. Funny, isn’t it, how mortals have to keep on living.”

“Oh come now, this isn’t _my_ fault.”

“You’re certainly not helping.”

“I’ve helped enough! People from all over the world benefit from the work I offer.”

“‘Work.’” 

“Let’s not fight. I missed you immensely.”

“I missed you too.” Mordukai said after a moment. He had loved Zavan once, the six months the were apart used to be the hardest times of his life. But now he was...different. He wasn’t the same man he once had been. He seemed, greedier, cruler now. Mordukai could recall when Zavan would invent something new simply to see the joy light up on his face when he finally showed it to him. But now it only seemed like the only time Zavan did anything, it was to glorify himself in the guise of benevolence.

He used to adore these trips back to Ani.

Almost as if he could read his mind, Zavan smiled slyly at him.

“Remember how these trips used to be? We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”

They entered the tunnel finally, and the train was plunged into darkness. Mordukai’s shoulders dropped.

“That was a lifetime ago.”

He sat in silence for the rest of the journey, refusing to acknowledge any of Zavan’s attempt at rekindling the conversation until he, too, fell silent. It seemed to take an eternity to arrive near where Ani should have been (an ironic thought for a god, he realized). Where was the city though? Zavan seemed unbothered, which he took as a positive sign. Mordukai looked closer, and what he saw made his stomach turn. The Wall. He’d actually begun it. 

Before he’d left, Zavan had been making plans for a grandiose wall, cutting Ani off from the rest of the world. He was so _proud_ of it, claiming it would save the city, protect it from the hard times affecting the rest of the world. He advertised Ani as a safe haven, full of work and safe from horrors. People flocked to the city, full of hope, only to find themselves shackled, dead to the world, building the very wall Zavan had claimed would keep them safe. Horrified didn’t even begin to describe his feelings. 

When the train finally stopped, Mordukai refused Zavan’s offered hand to help him depart, and carried his luggage himself. He locked himself in their room as he unpacked, putting up his newest treasures on the shelves. He had bottled rainwater, jars full of sun and moonlight, carefully pressed spring flowers and autumn leaves. All the things he would miss while he was trapped underground for the rest of the year. When he had finished, he went to inspect the state of the city. People supposed that Ani had been his, before he took Zavan as his husband. Of course the God of Death would live below ground, ruling over the dead and dying, no? But Ani had always been Zavan’s; Mordukai preferred to do his work above ground, working in harmony with his sister, living amongst that which would inevitably be his. But he loved Ani as if it was his own, (technically it was, but it hadn’t truly belonged to him in years).

He searched out his husband, looking for explanations for the changes that had occured in his absence. He found him in his office, analyzing papers and making marks occasionally. 

“Zavan.”

“Mordukai.” He said with a broad smile. “How are you settling back in?”

“Well enough. But tell me something, husband.”

“Hmmm?”

“In the coldest time of year, why is it so hot? I feel as if I’m suffocating.”

Zavan’s smile settled into something smug, and he put his pen down. “Here, come with me and I’ll show you.”  
Mordukai followed Zavan out of his office, and was led down a winding a winding path towards the heart of the city. The crowds parted around them, speeding their journey. Mordukai saw more and more strangeness, motorized carriages, blinding lights, and the smell of something acrid in the air. It made his skin crawl. There was something not right about any of it.

“See, my love?” Zavan gestured to a looming building, evil looking, belching smoke. He wrapped a strong arm around Mordukai’s waist, pulling him closer towards the building. “You were gone so long I grew restless. So I built a foundry, where we can produce the metalworks with more efficiency. Did you see my automobiles? Those are all made here, I came up with the idea myself.”

“What’s making that smoke?”

“It runs on coal, gods know we have enough of it down here.” He laughed at his own joke, not noticing his husband’s face growing sourer. “Think of it as my burning desire for you.”

“And what of the brightness? It’s supposed to be the darkest time of year, yet it’s as if the carnival’s come to town.”

“Ah, the electricity. Well, after I finished the foundry, I found myself bored again. So I laid a power grid! Look at it, isn’t the neon beautiful? Last year you complained of how dingy it seemed, so I brought the daylight down. It’s better than daylight, even! Brighter, permanent!”

Mordukai pushed himself away from Zavan, anger bubbling to the surface. “I didn’t want you to replace the sun! I wanted you to reopen the city! Did you think I’d be impressed with your blazing necropolis?!”

Zavan squared his shoulders, self-satisfaction melting away as his own expression began to match his husband’s. “You complain about something new every year! Nothing I ever do seems to please you! Every year, we have this fight again.”

Mordukai gestured to everything around them. “None of this is right! None of it’s natural either. We have this fight because you refuse to listen to reason. Van, we used to be happy, don’t you remember? Before you built the wall, before the factory, before the electricity?”

“I did all of this for you! I did all of this out of love! But if you don’t appreciate what I’ve done for you, maybe it’s time to find someone who would. Someone who’d be content to stay here, instead of running off as soon as sister dearest calls for you.” He sneered at Mordukai and turned on his heel, stalking off as Mordukai shouted after him. The god leaned against the superheated building, head in his hands. What use was it anymore? He pitied the poor soul Zavan went to collect.


	4. Chapter 4

After Mordukai left, things truly began to turn. Pera had always found it ironic that the time of year in which everything thrived the most was when the God of Death was actually present. Yala’s mood worsened, as it always did after her brother’s departure, and Pera began to stock up in earnest. When he had originally begun saving up, he had only planned on having to take care of himself, but now he had another person to think of. So he worked harder, chopped up more firewood, canned and dried what he could, and sealed up the holes in his cabin. Xion tried to help where he could, gods bless him, but he wasn’t suited for the work the way Pera was. Pera had grown up on a farm, had always known hardship and hard times, but Xion was soft. He had his head in the clouds and his nose in his books, scribbling away and wandering off for lengthening stretches of time. Privately, Pera despaired, but all he could do was roll up his sleeves and buckle down. 

But hard work could only do so much. They were, at the end of the day, at the mercy of the gods. Between Yala’s poor mood and unseasonable onset of cold and the souring of the soil, his crops failed. The orchards rotted early, and Pera found him at the end of his rope. Mordukai and Zavan must have been fighting again, that was the only explanation he had as to why things were going so bad so early in the season. As Xion wandered, Pera planned. They could stretch what had been saved if they forwent a few meals here or there, they could save the firewood until the snows came. At least he had a warm body to lay beside at night. Despite everything, he didn’t regret marrying Xion. He made him happy, he made him laugh, he provided a little bit of color when things looked bleak.

“Pera.” Xion whispered into his neck one late night.

“Hmm?”

“I think I’m close to something.”

“What?”

“I’ve been trying to write about Zavan, trying to find a way to convince the people to stop throwing themselves into his machine and to put the effort in up here.”

Pera bit his tongue, stopping himself from snapping that people go to Ani to prevent starvation, in the hope that something would be better than nothing. “What does that mean for us, love?”

“I might have to go for a little while. I should be back soon, though.”

“You’re leaving again?”

“What?”

“Xion you can’t keep leaving, not when things are getting so bad. We don’t have enough for-”

“Hey.” He wrapped an arm around Pera’s waist, pulling him closer. “Remember what I promised. We will always have enough as long as we stick together.”

“We’re not sticking together if you leave again.”

“We’ll be together in spirit. I gave you my heart, and you gave me yours, isn’t that enough?”

Pera sighed. “It’ll have to be, won’t it?”

“I love you.” His voice sounded so small. Pera turned over to kiss him softly, one between his brows, then on his eyes, and then finally his mouth. If he tried hard enough, he could imagine the taste of summer berries on the lips of his husband.

“I love you too. Don’t be gone too long though. I need my heart to keep on going.”

The next morning, Pera packed up what he thought he could afford to go without and gave it to Xion with a tight smile and a farewell kiss. Xion almost looked like he had second thoughts for a moment, but he simply shouldered his bag and waved goodbye with a cheerful grin. Pera tried to match his enthusiasm, but his smile fell as soon as Xion could no longer see him.

The first snows fell two days after his departure, heavy and thick, leaching the warmth from Pera’s bones. It made it even harder to hunt, as well, and soon, Pera found himself existing solely on what he’d saved. Even carefully rationed, he didn’t think it would last him very long, a couple weeks at most maybe. After that...he didn’t know what he’d do. Pray that Xion would return quickly, and with food? It was starting to look like that was what it would have to be, the scarcer and scarcer his shelves looked. And to make matters worse, the firewood pile was dwindling as well.

On the day he ate the last scrap of food, Pera quietly walked outside and found a boulder to sit on. He brushed the snow off as best he could and sat down and cried. He felt as if all hope was gone. Xion wasn’t back yet, he had no food, no warmth. Nothing but his own two hands, and what good was that when every tree and bush was stripped, when even the animals had fled?

“Oh no no no, this just won’t do.”

Startled, Pera wiped his eyes and looked up to see a man standing in front of him, looking truly upset at the state he was in. He was finely dressed and seemed unaffected by the elements. He looked well fed. Pera stared at him, wide-eyed and unsure of what to do. 

“Come now, firebird, what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

“What do you want?”

“Let me guess,” He continued on, sitting next to Pera, strangely close to him. “You’re hungry, you’re cold.”

“Y-yeah.”

“It’s always tragic when it’s the young, pretty ones. You looked like you’ve had the earth pulled out from under you. It’s not hard to imagine though, considering where you’re at right now.”

Pera found himself pulled to the stranger’s voice. It was magnetizing, almost hypnotic. He felt as if he could trust him though, his presence was oddly comforting. He found himself leaning into his side before he even knew it. “You could say that.”

“I can imagine how you could be with a little bit of polishing though. Like a diamond.” He tapped under Pera’s chin, lifting his face slightly. “What do you think? I could use a canary for my coalmine.”

And suddenly he knew who the man was. He jerked away from Zavan in a panic, standing in front of him warily. “What do you want?” He asked again, sounding much braver than he felt.

Zavan laughed and stood, offering Pera a hand. 

“Xion?! Xion where’d you go?” Pera called desperately, hoping the god would think he wasn’t abandoned. 

“Let me guess, your boy? Some penniless poet? You can stick with him if you want, and I promise the buzzards will pick you clean before spring.” He swept up Pera in a strange, sudden dance, practically dragging him along in the snow. “Why not fly south? Come to Ani, I can promise you work, food, a warm place to stay.”

Pera shivered involuntarily. The thought of security was so incredibly wonderful. His stomach growled at him, and he flushed in shame. 

The god dropped his mouth near Pera’s ear. “Think about it. But not too long. After all, people can become, unsavory when it gets down to it.”

He pressed something in Pera’s hand and was gone in the blink of an eye. 

Pera, breathless, looked down at his clenched fist, and slowly unfurled it to reveal a train ticket. His heart seized. Ani. He could go to Ani. Guiltily, he looked back at his home. His husband was returning soon. Wasn’t he? He collapsed back on the rock, staring at the ticket. 

“Looks like you’ve got a choice to make.”

“Seems like a decision must be reached.”

“Poor dear’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

He looked up again to find himself surround by three women all dressed the same, in somber black mourning gear. However, golden threatens glinted in the fabric when they moved under the pale sun.

“Who are you?”

“Phryane.” 

“Eriska.”

“Dudalla.”

“The Fates.” Their voices wove in and out of each other’s, forming a discordant melody.

“Life isn’t easy.” Phryane started, with a wicked smile.

“Life’s not fair.”

“A boy must fight for his own share.” Dudalla laid a grandmotherly hand on his shoulder.

“What- what should I do?”

“Help yourself.”

“To hell with the rest.”

“But what about-“

“Even the one who loves you best.”

Pera’s heart sank like a rock to his stomach. “But-“

“Take if you can.”

“Give if you must.”

“There’s nobody but yourself to trust.”

“Aim for the heart.”

“Shoot to kill.”

“If you don’t, another will.” 

The three crowded in front of him, seeming as if they were intertwining back and forth of each other, making his eyes swim.

“And the first shall be first-”

“-and the last shall be last.”

“Cast your eyes to heaven-”

“You get a knife in the back!”

“Nobody’s righteous!”

“Nobody’s proud!”

“Nobody’s innocent!”

“If I do this, will everything be okay?”

“If you do this-”

“-you’ll take care of yourself-”

“-but take care in your decision.”

And then they too were gone, each passing him, trailing a hand against his arm as they passed. He felt as if a ghost had passed through him with each touch, till even his soul was frozen. With one last glance, he looked at the ticket, and stood with determination. He walked back to the house and scrounged up one of Xion’s charcoals and a piece of paper.

_Xion,_  
_My heart is yours, always was and will be. It’s my gut I can’t ignore. Xion, I’m starving. Oh, my heart, it aches to stay...but the flesh will have its way._  
_-Your love._

With a backward glance, he carefully closed and locked the door. “Xion?!” He called out desperately, one last attempt at reassurance. But there was no response. With a heavy heart, he trekked towards the train station.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :^)

Xion’s heart leapt at the sight of the cabin in the near distance. He’d been gone too long, held up by the snows and, admittedly, he’d been distracted more than once by the fascinating tales of the people he ran into on the way back as much as he had by the ones he’d set out to meet. But now he was back, he was _home_ , and everything would be alright. He’d even managed to do some trading for some food, too. His chest puffed with pride when he thought of how ecstatic Pera would be to find that out. 

As he approached the cabin, though, something seemed...off. There was something wrong. He took off running , tripping through the snow as he tried to get home. There was no smoke coming from the chimney or light in the windows. It seemed _abandoned_.

“Pera? Pera?!”

He frantically fumbled with the lock, throwing the door open to reveal their home, cold, dark, and empty. Or, nearly empty.

There was a man sitting on the table, slight in stature and build, happily swinging his feet as if there was nothing wrong with any of this.

“Hey, the wordsmith!” He called, hopping down and encroaching on Xion’s space. “I thought you were working on your ‘masterpiece.’” He said the last word with the highest amount of scorn possible.

“Who are you? Why are you in our house? Where’s Pera?” Xion’s voice rose in pitch which every question until it cracked on the third.

The stranger’s smile grew a razor edge, nearly leering. “Why would it matter to you?”

“He’s my husband! Why wouldn’t it matter?”

“You’re a charming guy, you’ll find another muse somewhere.”

“Where is he?”

The man sighed and looked down. “You really wanna know?”

“I _need_ to know.”

The man produced a piece of paper. “And what if I said he’s down below?”

Xion’s heart stopped. He snatched the paper from his hand and scanned it.

_Xion,_  
_My heart is yours, always was and will be. It’s my gut I can’t ignore. Xion, I’m starving. Oh, my heart, it aches to stay...but the flesh will have its way._  
_-Your love._

The note slipped from his grasp, his arms limp at his sides. “No.”

“Six feet under.”

Xion shuffled to their bed and collapsed, head in his hands. Too late. He was too late. He’d failed. Useless.

“He called your name, you know. Before he left. But, uh, guess you weren’t paying attention.”

“How could he have done this to me?”

“That’s awfully self-centered of you.”

“He promised-”

“You promised some things too, man. Did you keep up your end of the deal?”

“I don’t- I can’t-UGH!” He fled the house, running outside feeling like his lungs couldn’t get enough air. He found a rock relatively free off snow and crashed down on it, trying to suck a breath.

Pera had left him, betrayed him, betrayed the very thing he’d been working for. What been the _point_ of it all if even his own husband didn’t believe in the things he’d been trying to convince others of? Suddenly, a pair of lips grazed the back of his neck. He started, and turned to see three women like vultures standing behind him.

“Go ahead and lay the blame.” One sang with a mocking expression.

“Talk of virtue-” Another added.

The third finished “-Talk of sin.” Xion realized with dawning horror that these women must be the Fates. 

“Wouldn’t you have done the same?”

“In his shoes-”

“In his skin?”

“You can have your principles-”

“-When you’ve got a bellyful.”

“But hunger has a way with you-”

“-There’s no telling what you’re gonna do-”

“-When the chips are down.”

“This is _your_ fault, _Dearest_.” The woman with firey hair jabbed a finger at him.

“You try starving in the cold when there’s a better option nearest.” 

“How do you plan to make it right?”

“There’s only one person left in sight.”

“Maybe he can help bring your love back to the light.”

They cackled amongst themselves, as if they were telling a funny joke, but Xion realized that there _was_ someone left who knew what was going on.

“Who ARE you?” Xion stormed back into the house with a stormy expression. He wanted answers, and he was going to get them.

“Dorro,” he said like it was obvious. And maybe it should have been. And then Xion thought for a minute.

“You’re the god of travel.”

“Yes.”

Xion launched himself across the room, snatching the god by the collar. “You can help me get to Ani.”

“You don’t want to do that.”

“Don’t you dare tell me what I want. You have no clue what I would do for him. I would go to the end of the earth, I would go to the end of time.”

“Look, alright alright, I believe you.” Dorro disappeared from his grasp and reappeared sitting back on the table. “You got a train ticket?”

“How would I?”

“That’s what I thought. Now. There’s a second way, but I don’t think I should…”

“Tell me.” Xion’s voice wavered. “Please.”

“There’s an abandoned tunnel, boarded up and forgotten. If you go at night you can probably avoided getting spotted. No compass, no map, you gotta follow the railroad track till you get to Ani. Walking, alone, for hours in the dark and the damp. And then there’s the walls. Even I can’t climb those, and you definitely can’t.” Dorro looked at his weak arms pointedly. Xion crossed his arms self-consciously. 

It’s cinder blocks topped with barbed wire, and guarded by Zavan’s mutts. I hope you can run fast, otherwise they’ll rip you to shreds, no way around it. And if, _if_ you manage to get past the gates, you still have to find him, and be careful. Gotta keep your head low, don’t talk to anyone, don’t tell them your name, don’t say anything. You see, Ani will try to kill your very soul. So I’ll ask you again: Is your boy worth it?”

“Yes.”

Dorro nodded. “Okay. Come on, I can take you to the tunnel, but from there, you’re on your own.”

Xion squared his shoulders. “I can do this.” He _had_ to. He packed what he thought he would need, what he thought would be the most beneficial. He paused at the doorway, laying a hand on the frame. “I’ll be back soon. I’ll bring him back.” 

“Let’s go, lover boy.”

“Okay.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's short but that's cause i don't wanna do any perspective switching in the same chapters in this fic

The first thing that struck Pera as he disembarked from the train was how _warm_ everything was. He felt the chill leave his bones and he closed his eyes to breathe it in deep. It was the best he’d felt in _months_. He felt a heavy hand clap down on his shoulder, and he whipped his head around with a start to see Zavan smiling down at him.

“So you decided to make the smart choice after all, I see?” He boomed. “Good, good. I knew you looked like you had a good head on your shoulders!”

“Th-thank you Mr. Zavan. If you don’t mind, exactly what is it I’m supposed to be doing here?”

“Eager to get to work I see.” Zavan laughed again, and Pera’s stomach dropped for a minute. Maybe this- 

But before his doubt could manifest, Zavan was sweeping him off the platform and directing him towards the center of town. Pera couldn’t help but look around, eyes wide in awe at the sight of all the tall buildings and bustling machinery. Nobody up top could even dream of having electricity in their homes, let alone owning an automobile like the ones that seemed like they were _everywhere_ here. The sidewalks were about as busy as the streets; seemed like the only reason Pera wasn’t plowed down was because everyone was giving Zavan a wide berth. 

For a moment, Pera could’ve sworn he saw Mordukai looking at him with a horrified expression, but when he blinked there was no one there.

He was led to a large scaffolding at an unfinished section of wall, covered in people, with others milling around at the base, passing things up and down and slathering things onto the base. 

“This is my current project, the pride and joy on Ani, really.” The god gestured with a proud look. Pera stared up at it with wide eyes. It certainly was...intimidating.

“But why are you building a wall? Isn’t Ani already hard to get to?”

Zavan laughed, and Pera shrank as he realized the god was laughing at _him_. “Oh, you poor naïve farm boy. My children!” Zavan called, and the workers all stopped and turned with a small wave of murmurs that quickly fell silent. “Why do we build this wall?”

The answer was called back in almost perfect unison, as if it had been rehearsed so many times that they no longer had to pause to think. “We build the wall to keep us free.”

“And how does the wall keep us free?”

“The wall keeps out the enemy.”

“Who is the enemy?”

“The enemy is poverty.”

“Because we’re bountiful, are we not?”

“Yes, Zavan.”

“What do we have that _they_ would try to invade?”

Pera understood now. He got it. Squaring his shoulders, he looked out and answered. “What do we have that they should want? We have a wall to work upon. We have work and they have none.”

“Now you’re getting it! And the work is never done, so back to it everybody! As for you, there’s papers that need to be signed, t’s to cross and i’s to dot, I’m sure you understand. Come with me to my office for the last few bits of finalization and then we can get you settled in.”

He led Pera away again, and Pera cast one last glance back at the wall and the workers swarming over it like ants on a hill. This was the right choice...right? The Fates had assured him...but Xion also-

With uncertainty, he followed Zavan.

No turning back now, he supposed.

The further he got from the wall, though, he was certain he could hear Mordukai's voice snap, "Anybody want a drink?"


	7. Chapter 7

As Mordukai watched his husband lead away that poor boy, the one whose marriage he’d blessed, he rubbed away the foul mood that was starting to build up between his eyes. Maybe he’d cursed them instead. Poor fools. But he couldn’t dwell on it. He turned to Zavan’s drones and snapped, “Anybody want a drink?” Of course, he wasn’t expecting many of them to take him up on the offer. For the most part, they stared at him with wide, scandalized eyes before returning to their work, but a few brave souls cautiously approached him. The god smiled kindly at them, unable to find himself able to do anything but pity the poor unfortunate souls.

“Come with me.” He ordered, leading them all through back alleyways of the city to a (he snickered at the joke) hole in the wall bar full of those who had finished their shifts for the day. A cheer rose up as they saw who’d entered, and Mordukai couldn’t help but smile and give a cheeky wave. He slid behind his bar, kicking out Torrvic, who good naturedly boo’d him before taking a seat on the other side. 

These were _his_ people; the downtrodden but hopeful, the ones reaching for the sky no matter how far down they were buried. The seedlings waiting for the right time to break free. This was his bar, the only thing Zavan hadn’t turned into a commodity or shut down yet. (Once upon a time, it had been a wedding present, but now it was an oasis). Of course, he served spirits; took a lot to make it through the monotony, but that wasn’t all he kept hidden away there. The longer time drew on, or the louder the cajoling got, whichever came first, the slyer his grin grew. Eventually, it reached a point where he called out to everyone, garnering their full attention.

“Now I don’t know about y’all, but something tells me that, uh, you’re feeling a little stir-crazy.” There were various shouts of agreement, and he leaned forward. “Six-feet-under getting to you?”

“Yeah!”

“Well I might have just the thing for y’all! Maybe…fresh rainfall? How do spring’s first rains sound?” He poured glasses upon glasses of it, until the jar was empty, relishing in the looks of euphoric rapture that crossed their faces. Some simply breathed in the scent, others poured it over their heads in a mockery of rainfall, and others drank deep; an unquenchable thirst.

“Come on y’all, what’s my name?”

“Our lord of the underground!”

Mordukai laughed and reached for another jar. “Or maybe the hot summer wind?” Mordukai loosed the lid slightly, freeing the smallest amount of the smell of a natural warmth, none of this manufactured oppression. “Now how’s that for a pick me up? What’s my name?”

“Our lord of Ways! The lord of Means!” He bowed slightly.

There were scattered cheers throughout, and if Mordukai closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that he was topside, among the crowds of folks surrounding him and his sister. Almost as if he was free of the hell of Zavan’s making. It was spring again. And then the illusion faded and he was only in the bar, surrounded by the patrons that were as weary as he. But he didn’t let it kill his smile.

“ _What’s_ my name?”

“Lord of the Upside Down!”

“Oh no no no!” He leaned over the bar conspiratorially, downing the rest of what was in Torrvic’s mug. “I’ll tell you my name: Mordukai.”

He jumped the counter with a flourish, striding out the door before motioning for the others to follow. “Let me guess: it’s the little things, right? Spring flowers, autumn leaves? Ask me, I’ll give them to you.” He reached into deep pockets, handing out the carefully preserved blossoms and leaves he always saved.

The people treasured them, he knew. Treasured any reminder that there _was_ more to everything than the mines and factories. So he always returned with as many as he could, handing them out the way some did candy. 

“Maybe, though! Maybe you still need more! Maybe the tidbits aren’t enough anymore! When was the last time any of y’all saw the sky?” That seemed to strike a chord within the gathered crowd. Sorrow stretched over their faces like a mask. 

“That’s what I thought. But don’t despair. Soon, I’ll fix that too. Come here, look a little closer!” He pointed at a section of the wall he’d discovered while his husband had gone off looking for someone to grovel at his feet in awe. He’d kept it close to his chest for as long as he could bear, but the desire to chase away even a little bit of the gloom that Ani was mired in outweighed his selfish desires.

One person carefully wandered closer and, at Mordukai’s encouragement, examined the wall. When they found what Mordukai had been gesturing at, they gaped at him.

“It’s real. You’re not dreaming. Go on, tell them.”

“ _There’s a crack in the wall!_ ” They exclaimed jubilantly. Excited murmurs passed through the crowd and grew into a dull roar.

“There is indeed! Y’all want stars? I got a skyful! The moon? Come get an eyeful. Come on! A little moonshine won’t kill you!”

The crowd rushed to the crack, pushing and shoving to get a peek. Well that wouldn’t do at all. “Come now, come now! There’s time for everyone! Straight line, now! One at a time!” With some expert shepherding, he managed to gather the crowd in an orderly fashion, forming a line of sorts. He’d have to come up with a real procedure for this ones word spread, but this was fine for now. 

After all, Mordukai thought to himself, what Zavan didn’t know, he couldn’t _possibly_ mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brief warning for emeto at the very end

Pera took well to the work, as he always had. He’d been given a warm room in an apartment complex full of other workers and some meals that weren’t just things that’d been scavenged or watered down. He was _thriving_ in Ani. Often he caught himself wondering why he hadn’t come down to work soon. Instead of scraping by for years, he could have been taken care of. It was hard, sure, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Time passed by indeterminately. There was no sun to mark the passage of time, no seasons, no clocks. He had no clue of knowing how long he’d been there (he’d lost track after a week); the days blurred together. He did his fair share on the wall, but also was sent to the mines from time to time. He made a few friends; a girl named Caitlyn and a man named Torrvic. He learned that Torrvic spent his free time working for Mordukai in the bar that he ran, and that Caitlyn had once been a servant of the God of Dreams. It was hard to get to know them, though, they didn’t always seem willing to talk, and sometimes they even seemed….nervous. But Pera couldn’t figure out why, so he just shrugged and kept on. He couldn’t fault them, though. It wasn’t like he was telling them every detail about himself either. 

Xion was something he kept close to his chest. He didn’t want others to know about him (although whether it was because of protectiveness or out of the shame that sometimes struck for having abandoned him, he didn’t know or like to think about). The others didn’t talk to him about any people they might have left behind either, and he took it as a sign to do the same. One day during dinner, Torrvic sat next to him and leaned it. 

“Look, kid, you seem nice, but I don’t think you quite understand something. The best way keep on going is to keep our head down. You understand? Stop talking, keep working. It’s best for everyone.”

“What? But I thought-” 

“Trust me. When you’ve been here as long as I have, you’ll understand.”

“How long...have you been here?”

Torrvic snorted. “Who knows anymore?”

Pera’s dismay must have shown on his face, because Torrvic’s stony expression softened slightly. “Look, I’m not trying to- You seem like a good guy. I don’t want to make you think I don’t like you or whatever. I’m just looking out for you. Why don’t you come to Mordukai’s with me tonight?”

“A-alright.” Pera swallowed hard. Mordukai. Great. There was another person he’d been doing his best to avoid. He was truly the only person in all of Ani who knew what he’d done to get here, and the thought of facing any sort of disapproval or reprimand scared him. But telling any of that to Torrvic would require him to break his own personal rule about not speaking of Xion. So instead he allowed himself to be dragged to the very edge of the city by the gruff man as soon as he finished his food.

It was...quaint. 

A building-shack, really- lit up with strings of lights that looked more like fireflies up against an older looking portion of the wall. There was music and laughter coming from inside, and suddenly Pera realized he’d been missing those things dearly. He felt as sudden longing for springtime, and tears pricked the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away before they could fall. Torrvic pushed the door open with a wild grin and was greeted by cheers of recognition. “Stick with me kid!” He called back to Pera, who hurried to keep up. A path was carved directly to the bar, where Mordukai stood with a smile, watching the crowd. It was such a strange contrast to the other times Pera had seen the god, bathed in sunlight and languidly lounging. Although, if he thought about it, it wasn’t much different. He was still surrounded by an adoring crowd looking pleased at the situation. But the closer he got, the more he saw the cracks. Sadness and worry lines broke the illusion of happiness. The shadows in the room seemed to draw themselves to his face, deepening the shadows that were already present, until sometimes, when he blinked, Pera though he saw a skull grinning back instead.

Torrvic sat himself down and patted a chair next to him, indicating for Pera to join him. “Mordukai, two of whatever’s strongest for me and my buddy!”

“Torrvic!” Mordukai greeted him warmly. “And who do you have- oh. Oh,” he said again, softer this time. “Oh, the newlywed. I did so hope… but no matter. Life goes on, and so does death, I suppose. Here, let me get you those drinks.”

“What was that about?” Torrvic raised an eyebrow and him.

“It was nothing.”

“Sure didn’t seem like-”

“Look I said it’s nothing so just drop it, okay? You told me to keep my head down, right?”

He cast a sidelong glance at him, but let it go as soon as Mordukai slid two near-overflowing mugs of something heady-smelling in front of them, and a smaller glass of water next to it for Pera. “You look like you could use that.” 

Pera gave the cup a curious look before raising it to his lips. He was struck suddenly with the smell of rain and set it down abruptly without taking a drink. “Think I’ll save that for later.” He noticed his voice was thick and he swallowed hard. Mordukai patted him gently on the cheek before moving on down the line to others. A sharp elbow to the ribs brought him back the moment.

“Catch up man.” Torrvic motioned to his full mug with his own, which Pera realized was half empty. Pera lifted his own with a smile and drank. Torrvic kept waving over Mordukai to refill their cups, and after three or four refills, Pera had to tap out. Torrvic, seemingly unaffected, shrugged and turned back to what he was doing. Almost as an afterthought, he took the small cup of rainwater with him.

Outside, he could breathe a little easier, away from the crowd and the reminders. He stared down at the cup clutched in his hands morosely, wishing his vision would stop swimming.

“I’m free.” He whispered, as if trying to convince himself. “Zavan set me free.”

A scoff sound above him, and he looked up to see the Fates standing around him, sneering down. 

“Zavan set you free alright.” Eriska laughed.

“Zavan set you free-”

“To work yourself into the ground.”

“Free to spend eternity-”

“-In the factory-”

“-And the warehouse!”

“Where the whistles scream-”

“-And the foreman shouts.”

“And you’re punchin' in-”

“-And punchin' in-”

“-And punchin' in-”

“And you can’t punch out!” They shouted in unison.

Pera scrambled to his, cup spilling in the process. “But I don’t understand!” He shouted. “You said this was the promised land!”

“You sell your soul, you get your due. That is all we promised you!”

“Heard that mighty trumpet sound-”

“-Crossed the river to the Other Side-”

“-Thought you’d lay your burdens down-”

“-And rest in peace in Paradise.”

“But there ain’t no rest for your weary soul-” Phryane shoved him back into the bar. 

“-Zavan keeps you toiling.”

“Shoveling coal in a big black hole to keep his boiler boiling.”

Pera struggled back to where he’d been standing before, puffing his chest out. “It’s different with me, though, Zavan-”

“Different than who?” Dudalla laughed. “ They thought they were different too!”

Eriska looked at him with a sickly grin, and fear shot through him. “Thought you were different because he pulled you down here?”

“Different because he pressed his lips to your ear?”

“Down in the river of oblivion-”

“-You kissed your little life goodbye-”

“-And Zavan laid his hands on you-”

“-And gave you everlasting life.”

“And everlasting overtime!”

“There must be some mistake.” Pera whispered. 

“Oh, it was a mistake alright!”

“And now you gotta pay-”

“-And pay-”

“And pay for it, for the rest of your life!”

“You should’ve seen the look of your man’s face when he found out.” 

“His poor face all pale and shocked.”

“Knowing you’re down here, against everything he fought.”

That was the final blow.

Pera leaned over to the side and emptied his stomach.


	9. Chapter 9

“Oh Pera.” A small voice sighed. Two small hands grabbed him by the arm, helping him up.

“Caitlyn? What are you doing down here?” He slurred.

“I was- it’s not important right now. Let’s get you home.”

She supported him with surprising strength, although, maybe not so surprising; after all she worked down here too. You couldn’t stay weak in Ani. He mumbled where he lived, and she walked with him, ensuring that he stayed on his feet. It took longer than it should’ve, but unsurprising, given the circumstances. When they got to his room, he fished his key out of his pocket and handed it to her. She dropped him on the couch he used for a bed and walked away for a moment, returning with a glass of water.

“What’s got you in this state?”

“I left- I left someone behind.”

“We all left someone as soon as we boarded that train, Pera.”

“Who’d you leave?”

She snorted. “My family sold me. Bad as things down here get, I don’t think anything’s worse than that. Torrvic had some kids, twins. Gods know how he feels about that.

“I thought it would be so simple. Coming to Ani? I was so _sick_ of struggling to survive in that wasteland. And Zavan sounded so…” he trailed off, tears coming hot and fast. “I just wanted to rest. Didn’t I deserve to rest?”

Caitlyn brushed the curls out of his face in a way that reminded him of his sister Irene, who he hadn’t seen in years. He pushed the thought away, it was too painful to bear. “Dreams are sweet until, they’re not.”

“Thought he was telling the truth when he said it wouldn’t hurt. He lied. Being down here is _awful_. Don’t know why I kept lying to myself. These mines aren’t a replacement for life.” He tried to say more, but sobs began to wrack his body, preventing the words from coming out. 

“Shhh. It’s not all that bad. Mordukai looks out for us. We’re safe down here. It wasn’t always this bad.”

“I thought it would be the sun I missed the most.” Pera choked out. “But it’s not. Gods I was stupid.”

“What do you miss?”

“Gods there were- there were fields of flowers that would bloom near my farm every spring. They always smelled so sweet, even they were rotting. We walked through them together, I think he tried to pick some for me, told me they reminded him of me.”

“Who?”

“I...don’t remember. I must have known, but now I can’t…”

“That happens, down here. Lethe in the water, helps keep us here. Better that we can’t remember the Before. It’s okay.”

“He turned his face to mine, and then I turned away into the shade. I hope he never realizes. This is the bed I made, gotta lie in it.” He laughed bitterly, rolling onto his side away from Caitlyn, hiding the heartbreak that was etching itself into his face. 

He heard her sigh, and then she rose up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Pera. Sleep well.” She said before shutting the door quietly behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of my favorite songs from the whole show


	10. Chapter 10

Xion didn’t know how long or how far he’d been walking. Time was impossible to determine in the tunnels. The only sign he got that he was anywhere close to Ani was the faint shine of electric lights in the near distance. He’d stopped to sleep twice, he thought, but he didn’t allow himself to rest long. Even when he ate, he did it walking. He was determined to find Pera as quickly as possible, he didn’t have time for breaks. Nobody knew what happened to people in Ani for certain, that was the problem he had kept running into. Anybody who went never came back, and Mordukai was reticent to speak of it, so all that most people knew was rumors and speculation. But the things he knew and the things he’d heard filled his heart with fear. The only thought he had to comfort himself was that Pera was a survivor. He was strong, he was resilient, he was tenacious. 

After his third sleep, Xion finally reached the Walls. They were exactly as Dorro had described them: unscalable, unfriendly, and murderous. He could hear the dogs baying in the distance, could see the barbed wire topping the cinder bricks. He didn’t know how he was going to get past it. After further inspection, he spotted the only gap in the wall; the platform where the train stopped.

He crept over to the wooden platform and pulled himself up. Before he could congratulate himself on the cleverness, heavy boots stopped before him. Xion looked up nervously and saw a conductor holding the leashes of three separate dogs and glaring down at him with stoney eyes. 

“And just what do you think you’re doing, _boy_?”

The man’s voice sounded like the roaring of waves crashing against a cliff face, and Xion had to fight to keep himself from covering his ears like that could protect him from him. The dogs’ hackles raised, but they made no movement towards him, kept firmly in check by the conductor. It took a few tries, but Xion found his voice.

“I’m here to get into Ani and recover my love.”

The conductor laughed at that, and Xion shrank under his gaze. “You, come to take someone from Ani? No one leaves once they’ve entered. Ever.”

“This time someone will.”

“And what makes you think you’re so special?”

“Nothing but my determination and my heart.”

“Your heart, huh? Tell me why I should let you pass. If I’m impressed, I’ll let you through. If not, well, it’s been a while since my dogs had fresh meat.”  
Xion’s heart was in his throat, his hands were shaking by his sides. Could he- should he-  
Pera’s face, wreathed in summertime sun, appeared in his mind’s eye, and he steadied himself. There was no alternative. He _had_ to pass.

“My lord-”

“I am simply ‘Ceato.’ I have not been anyone’s lord since Zavon stationed me here.” Ceato’s voice was tinged with bitterness, but his face betrayed nothing. Interesting. Maybe Xion could work with that.

“Very well. Ceato. Let me tell you a story. Once, a train appeared, as it did yearly. Once, a young man spotted that train, earning the blessing of Life. Once, a young man encountered another, and the other was beautiful. Mouth and fingers stained with the fruit freshly grown in miracle of spring, and the blessed man fell in love. The two spent time together, the whole season actually, and it was discovered that the beautiful man was not only that, but also hard working, practical, and kind. He had no family to speak of anymore, but neither did the other man. That didn’t bother either of them. In the summer, they fell in love, and were wed, blessed by Death and Life alike. And they prepared for the hard times that would soon be upon them again. But the blessed man-” Xion swallowed hard. His throat was dry and tears threatened to spill. “-but the blessed man was soft. He came from a family of privilege, and he underestimated just how much needed to be done. Tragedy struck, the crops failed, and the blessed wandered while the beautiful fretted. And eventually, the snow grew and the beautiful...vanished. So I followed. I’ve been walking in the darkness for gods know how long, and I’ve come so far. And I won’t turn around until I find my husband and bring him home with me.”

“And what makes you think he’s here?” Ceato’s face had a strange expression, and hope fluttered for the first time in Xion’s chest.

“I think Zavan fetched him away. Please. I am...I am less of myself without him.”

“You knew him for little more than a year.”

“His soul is half of mine.”

“What if he doesn’t want to come back?”

The very fear that Xion had been squashing down rose to the surface. He was weak, he was nothing, what would Pera gain from coming back? What if he didn’t forgive him? What if he no longer _loved_ him? “I have to at least try.”

Ceato looked at him for a long while, and Xion wondered what it was he saw. Xion knew what he would see: a trembling man trying to stand up to a god, threatening to break into one of the most fortified places on the earth. Laughable, at best. But whatever Ceato must’ve seen was more than that because the dogs suddenly sat and the gentle tug of a leash, looking much friendlier than they had before. 

“You’ve got spirit. Maybe...just maybe… you’ll be able to pull it off. Go quickly now, and keep your head _down_. You do not want to be caught trespassing, believe me.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Xion started to walk past him, but a heavy hand on his shoulder made him pause. 

“I wish you luck. Be careful. And if your marriage was truly blessed by Mordukai, try petitioning to him. He’s always had a soft heart for you mortals.”

“I- I will.”

Xion pushed forward through a small maintenance door and found himself looking down a hill to the busiest city he’d ever seen. Automobiles sped down narrow streets, lights shone from ridiculously tall buildings, and smoke rising from chimney stacks in the distance. It was hard to catch his breath for a moment, but he squared his shoulders and continued on. Too late to turn back now. He did his best to keep his head down, keeping in mind the warnings of both Dorro and Ceato, and pushed through the crowd without bothering people. But the city was so large, how was he supposed to find Pera in all this?

After a few hours, he started growing desperate, and he began tapping people on the shoulder asking “Excuse me, do you know anybody named Pera?”

The majority of the time he only got dirty looks and silence, a few people gave him sympathetic glances, and handful of people offered a “no, sorry” before moving on again. Eventually the streets emptied, and he found a tucked away spot in an alleyway to sleep while he stayed out of sight. He didn’t know exactly what would happen if he was found out, but his gut told him it wouldn’t be good. The next day he resumed his search, with much the same results. He kept moving through town, getting further and further from the center, and still no one could help him. He was close to complete despair, until, on the edge, where people looked extremely tired, but slightly more excited about something, he found his answer.

He ran into a stout man looking worse for wear, and asked again, with a ragged edge to his voice, “Please, do you know someone named Pera?”

The man looked at him with suspicion, sizing him up. “Yeah I know a Pera. What’s it matter to you?”

“I’m looking for him-”

“Never seen you around before neither. You new?”

“Something like that.” 

“Why’re you lookin’ for him?”

“He’s...he’s someone important to me.”

“You must not’ve been very important to _him_ if he’s down here.”

“You don’t know anything about us.” Xion snapped. “I’ve been traveling for _days_ trying to find him, I _broke in here_ to find him, and I’m not leaving without at least _speaking_ to him. So if you know something, tell me.”

The man laughed, a full-bellied sound that startled Xion out of his anger. “You’ve got spunk, kid. Meet me back here tomorrow, I’ll see if I have something for ya then.” He pushed past Xion, but he barely noticed. 

For the first time since he arrived home, he had a solid reason to hope again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we In It now

He recovered, he pulled himself together, and he went back to work. At first, Pera was worried Caitlyn would act differently towards him, but she only smiled sweetly at him and worked alongside him as usual. He took Torrvic’s advice and kept his head down, doing enough to get him through the day and went home. He didn’t approach Mordukai’s bar again, didn’t talk to the other workers, and didn’t bring up his previous life again. The exposure to where he really was, what _Ani_ really was, had stripped him of any will to act otherwise. 

There was whisperings in the mine, conversations held under low breath that he couldn’t make out, even if he’d wanted to, and over the week they grew louder and louder until it sounded like a beehive, and still he did his best to ignore it. Keep his head down, do his work, go home.

It was a system that worked, until a day when Torrvic came in look far more energetic than Pera had ever seen him. “Pera!”

“What?”

“Have you heard what everyone’s been saying? There’s someone who _broke in_ to Ani.”

Pera frowned. “That’s impossible. The wall-”

“I don’t know how, I just know it happened. And he’s lookin’ for someone.”

“What?”

“Specifically, he’s lookin’ for _you_.” 

Pera dropped his pick-axe, the sharp metal barely missed his foot.

“What.”

Caitlyn looked at them worriedly. “Torrvic, keep your voice down.”

Torvvic waved her off, a grin spread across his face. “He’s just outside of Mordukai’s, waitin’ for me to come back with news.”

“Why does he want _me_?”

His friend shrugged. “Beats me. What do you want to do?”

He considered it for a long time, turning it over in his mind. A random stranger broken into Ani and wanted to speak to him? Why? And who was he? There was only one way to get answers. 

“Take me to him. Tonight. Please.”

“Pera.” Caitlyn said softly. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve got nothing left to lose at this point. What else could happen?”

“Don’t ask questions like that, the Fates love to prove you wrong.”

“I know, I know. Don’t worry for me, it’ll be fine.” He offered her a smile that was more sure than he felt. But he returned to his work with an increased fervor. This was the first break in the monotony in ages, and he was incurably curious. 

\---

Torrvic led him back to Mordukai’s with enthusiasm, Pera less so. He still had bad associations with it, and he found himself checking for the women who’d brought him nothing but trouble out the the corners of his eyes every few minutes. But they made no appearance, and when the reached the edge of town, where the buildings got smaller and the lights dimmed. Torrvic moved away from him, whistling lowly. 

“Torrvic what-”

“Shhh trust me.”

No one appeared for long enough to make him think that maybe Torrvic was playing a trick on him, and then a man stepped out of the shadows, looking about as anxious as Pera felt. “I have to be honest, I was sure you…” He trailed off as he caught sight of Pera, and it was like all the blood had drained from his face. Something about the man was _familiar_ and it tugged at the back of Pera’s mind. 

“It’s you!” He burst, taking a step forward. It was the man who’d been haunting him ever since Mordukai’s. In no time flat, the man had run to him and swept him up in his arms, pressing his face into the hollow of Pera’s neck. Pera froze for a moment, not sure what to do at first, and then it hit him. This was _Xion_ , how could he have forgotten him? He nearly crushed him hugging him back, tears falling freely. 

“It’s me, it’s me, it’s me.” Xion repeated, pressing kisses to his forehead, his eyes, his cheeks, his nose. “I came for you.”

“Xion.” Pera murmured, pulling back enough to trace his face with his fingers. In his periphery, he saw Torrvic slink away towards the shack, giving the two privacy.

“Pera please come home, I can’t bear to go back alone.”

“But, wait… how’d you get here?” Panic seized him. “Please tell me you didn’t come on the train please-”

“No no no. Shhh. I walked. There’s an old tunnel that was sealed off who knows how long ago. I walked for days to make it to you.”

“But the wall-”

“I told the guard our story and he softened enough to let me through. And I’ll do it again to get us home.”

“Xion, you can’t.” Pera pressed a hand against his husband’s chest, resting over his heart. Didn’t he understand?

“Of course I can.”

“Confident as always, love.”

“How could I not be, I’ve got you again.” 

Pera laughed softly. “Xion what do see? I mean, what do you see when you look at me now?” 

Xion traced the curve of his jaw, considering. “I see the one who’s going to survive. I see the man who ate berries in the spring and toiled in the fall. I see the man who I crossed hell to find.” And he fell to his knees, holding both of Pera’s hands in his own.

“No- why’d you do that? What are you-”

“Pera, come home to me. Marry me again, whatever it takes. Whatever you ask I’ll do it. My world fell apart without you, don’t make me live the rest of my life without you in it. We’ll change the world together, I’ll learn how to farm right this time. We can-”

“Xion stop.” Pera cut him off, pulling him back to his feet. It felt like his heart was breaking again. “If the world was different, maybe, it could’ve been just the two of us, But have you seen the world? It isn’t beautiful! It won’t change for me and you, no matter how much we wish it would. Just...go home. Move on. Learn to live without me.”

“But-”

They both froze, realized that they’d been surrounded. The Fates made a triangle around them, preventing any chance of escape. 

“Oh no.” Pera whimpered.

“Aw, isn’t that sweet?” Phryane crooned.

“An absolute treat.” Eriska’s smile was dangerous, and Xion pulled Pera closer on instinct.

“Do you think he realizes he married such a cheat?” 

“What are you talking about?”

All three women laughed at Xion’s question. 

“Can’t you see he made a deal?”

“Gave his word-” 

“-took a vow?”

“See, it’s all been signed and sealed,”

“He belongs to Zavan now.”

Xion’s fingers curled into the fabric of Pera’s shirt. “That can’t be true.”

“He belongs to him.”

“Pera, say it isn’t true.”

The tears were flowing in earnest again, and Pera couldn’t even look at his face. “I do.” He whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE IN IT NOW

Pera broke away from Xion, running off into the distance, ignoring Xion’s protests and the Fates’ laughter. 

“Why can’t you just leave us alone?” Xion shouted at them. 

“Why do you think this our fault?”

“All we do is watch-”

“-Sometimes advise-”

“-We _are_ the ever-seeing-”

“-The ever-wise.”

“You make the choices-”

“-We only ever use our voices.”

“It’s just our role.”

His hands clenched into fists, but he didn’t even know where he wanted to direct them. The Fates? Himself? Pera? Xavan? “It doesn’t matter. I’m taking him home.”

The women cackled. “You can’t, he signed the contract. He belongs to Ani, now.”

“I don’t care what you say. It’ll happen.”

“Why fight against what’s permanent?”

“Why throw yourself against the rocks?”

“Give up.”

“Go home.”

“Move on.”

He turned on his heel and started walking towards where Pera had run off. If he could find him they could talk more and then-

“Why the struggle?”

“Why the strain?”

“Why make trouble?” 

“Why make scenes?”

“Why go against the grain?”

“Why swim upstream?”

He plugged his ears in an attempt to block out their voices, but it felt like the words were forming from his own mind. They bounced around his skull in time to his own breathing.

“There’s no use.”

“You’re bound to lose.”

“What’s done is done.”

“That’s the way the river runs.”

“So why get wet?” 

“Why break a sweat?”

“Why waste your precious breath?”

“Why beat your handsome brow?”

“Nothing changes anyhow.”

“You’re wrong you’re wrong you’re-” Xion collided with something warm and solid, knocking him to the ground with bruising force. He looked up to see a hand offered to him, which he grabbed gratefully. When he was pulled to his feet, his eyes widened in surprise. “Lord Mordukai.”

Death himself stood before Xion, smiling sadly. He looked...different than he did during the spring. More tired, sadder, drawn. “Did you come to Ani to work too? Chasing after your boy?”

“I came to Ani chasing him, that’s true. But I’m not here to work. I’m here to take him home.”

“Oh child.” Mordukai shook his head. “Once you’ve come to Ani, you cannot leave. Surely you know that.”

“Respectfully, I traveled for days on end through a pitch black tunnel, faced off with a guard who threatened to have his dogs tear me apart, and spent a day and a half trying to find my husband, and I’m not leaving without him.”

The god quirked an eyebrow. Xion closed his mouth quickly, worried that he’d offended him. Mordukai was his only chance, it wouldn’t do to be seen as insolent in this moment. “It would seem, I think, that you have come quite a ways. Say your piece. Walk with me, tell me why I should bother petitioning my husband.”

He moved swiftly, forcing Xion to take two steps to make up for every one of his. They moved past a ramshackle builing to a space of about twenty clear feet behind it, and Xion saw the never-ending construction firsthand. He was momentarily at a loss for words, but soon found his tongue.

“As I said, I traveled for days on end searching for some way to find Pera in order to bring him home again.”

“Knowing all the while that nobody who comes by train is ever allowed to leave again.”

“I can find a way.”

“Many people have said that, but none have ever succeed. Though none have tried the tunnel before. Clever, I must say.” Xion reflexively beamed at the praise before he remembered himself. Mordukai continued on, heedless of Xion. “And, like it or not, Pera signed the contracts, did the deed, and by all laws, is rightfully a citizen of our land.”

Ceato had lied to him, after all. Mordukai seemed as bendable as an iron rod. “If that’s true, take my heart. You can take my flesh and blood too, my mouth. I have no more need of it. I don’t need memories of how I’ve felt, I don’t need memories of kissing him. I don’t need to remember how it felt to hold him. And don’t stop there. If there’s truly no way to save him, you can take my hands too, there’s no reason to write anymore. You can take my voice from me, I’ve no need to speak. The most important thing I ever said was that I love him.”

“That’s a bit overdramatic, don’t you think?” Mordukai stopped and watched the people on the scaffolding, refusing to look at Xion. “He’s mortal, it was inevitable that he left you in some way or another.”

“How is it overdramatic when I feel like I’m being torn apart every moment I can’t be with him? How can you stand there and say my sorrow means nothing? Aren’t you constantly torn between two places because you once couldn’t bear to leave Zavan? You broke the world for you love, why do you scorn me for doing the same?!”

“That was different, that was-”

“It was the same! You were in love!” Xion threw his hands up in the air, unable to contain his frustration. “Look. If I truly, _truly_ , can do nothing, I’ll go home and I’ll leave you be, and everyone can go back to their lives. But please. _Please._ Tell me the truth. I’m asking, not as anyone special, I know I’m no god, no king, not even a hero. I’m asking as _me_ , a man who’s hopelessly, utterly lost.”

And with that, he fell silent, hands to his sides. He looked at his feet, too scared to look up and see if Mordukai had even acknowledged him. This was it, truly his last chance. If he couldn’t sway Mordukai, there was no one else to appeal to. No one to even find Pera again in this mess of a city. 

A hand landed on hi shoulder, and he looked up to see Mordukai staring in the opposite direction. With an oddly thick voice, he said, “I’ll make your case to my husband. I can do nothing else. But know I do pity your situation. I’d hoped…” He trailed off, and after a tense silence, Xion simply said, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, child.”

The god left him, and Xion spent so long watching him go that he failed to notice that the workers closest to the ground had begun to stop working to stare at him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACT 2 ACT 2 ACT 2

Mordukai slipped into bed behind Zavan, pressing a hesitant kiss to the nape of his neck. “My light.” He murmured. Zavan reacted in surprise and turned to face him.

“My darkness. To what do I owe the surprise?”

The god had turned this conversation over and over in his mind since stumbling upon Xion, and still, he was unsure of how to broach the subject. “There’s a newcomer in Ani.”

“The train didn’t come or go today, there can’t be anyone new.”

“He didn’t come by train. If you can believe it, he walked.”

Zavan laughed. “That desperate to get here?”

“In a way.”

“I’ll have to find him tomorrow, go over the fine print. Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

“He’s not here looking for work, Zavan.” His husband stilled beside him.

“What _is_ he here for, then?” His voice had gone low, an edge to it that hadn’t been there before.

“The newest person you brought down. They were married. Are married, I supposed. He came to fetch him.”

“You’re telling me that some mortal _broke in_ to _my_ city, which you _knew_ , and you didn’t _tell me_?”

“You should’ve heard how he begged me. His anguish was practically bursting from his chest. He wants to make an appeal to you. If you’d heard him speak...you’d feel a little pity for the poor boy.”

Zavan sat up, pulling away from Mordukai’s touch. “It doesn’t matter how _well_ he speaks! He’s showing blatant disrespect for me and my authority. The sheer audacity of such a man, I ought to cut him down here he stands. I am the king here! He should know better than that. I’m no fool to be-”

“Zavan-”

“No! You know how it is! It’s _never_ enough. You give them a piece, and they take the whole! You show them the cracks and the tear down the wall.” Mordukai jerked back like he’d been burned. “Yes that’s right I know about your little ‘secret,’ and it’s being taken care of. The kingdom will crumble if not kept stable, how can you be blind to this?”

“If all it takes to destroy _our_ kingdom is a lovestruck man, it was never stable to begin with my love. He’s not one for the logic of kings, or gods, he’s only here for the love of a man. How long will you keep this war against the rest of the world going?”

His husband fully turned away from him, feet flat on the floor, head in his hands. “You and your pity don’t fit in my bed. When will you see I’m doing all this to protect Ani, to protect _you_? I’m not a tyrant for the love of it. How long do you expect to keep me tossing and turning over this?”

“For as long as we are married.” Mordukai sat next to Zavan, gently pulling his face up to force him to look him in the eyes. “You forget, you may have named the city, but this is my domain. You don’t have the final say here. We’re equals, always have been, always will be. I let you expand and grow and rule because it makes you happy, but never forget, before it was ever yours, it was mine, and now it’s ours. And everything dies, it’s true, and there are laws that must be obeyed, but please don’t forget that after every winter comes the spring. Things that were once dead don’t always remain so. I’m telling you, just hear him out. For me.”

Zavan’s face softened, and for the first time in years, Mordukai saw the eyes of the man who he’d married.

“I’ll let him make his appeal.”


	14. Chapter 14

Xion wondered if the saying “the walls have ears” wasn’t literally in Ani. In the morning when he woke, people walking past him and around him were all whispering furtively, and they repeating phrase he hear every time was “Is it true?” There were other snatched pieces of conversation as well. 

“He said it shelter us.”

“He said he’d harbor me.”

“Build them up, the walls will bring freedom.”

“He said war would bring peace.”

Slowly he realized they were talking about _Zavan_. That made him curious. People were beginning to openly _question_ the god. He slowly moved back towards the city, following the flow of the crowd. The grumbling grew louder as more and more people joined in the march, until there were open shouts of dissatisfaction and rage ringing out through the streets. There were automobiles abandoned on the sidewalks and doors of apartments thrown open. It was awe-inspiring to see. It was everything Xion had been talking about for over a year. He only wished he could have shared the moment with Pera. If he was in the crowd, there was no way of telling. 

The crowd stopped outside the palace gates, calling for Zavan to come out and meet them. For a time, it looked as if nothing would happen, but then the gates swung open slowly and an imposing figure stepped out with a thunderous expression. Xion recognized him as the man from the train, the one who’d fetched Mordukai on the last day of summer. That made him Zavan, then. 

“ _ **Where’s the one who snuck into the city like a common thief? Come here, boy**_.”

A chill went down Xion’s spine like lightning but his feet began to push forward as if by their own accord, and the crowd parted around him, allowing to make it to the front unbothered. Finally, he stood before Zavan, spine straight, shoulders squared. 

“So you’re him then.” It wasn’t a question. 

“I am.”

“I hear you have something to say to me.”

“I have several things, yes.”

“Follow, then.”

Without so much as a backward glance, Xion followed the god back within the gates, unsure if the heavy thud he heard was them closing or his own heart.

\---

Pera woke to someone knocking on his door. With a panic, he thought he might be late, but a glance at the clock on his wall said it was still several hours before he was expected to be anywhere. Confused, he rolled off the couch and opened the door to find Caitlyn waiting expectantly, an envelope clutched tight in her hand. 

“Caitlyn what are you-”

She thrust the letter into his hand. “The city’s up in arms. I’d read that quickly.” And then she turned on her heel and ran off, leaving Pera shocked and confused in his doorway until he had the presence of mind to remember she’d given him a note. He opened it to find a single sheet of paper with a single line on it. 

_Mordukai, Lord of the Dead, requests your presence at that palace._

The blood drained from his face, and he felt cold. Mordukai knew about the man (no, Xion, he corrected himself) and now he was going to be punished. That must be it. But he couldn’t refuse a direct summon. After all, there was nowhere for him to hide, and nowhere he could go. He had no choice. He dressed slowly, walked to the palace even slower. 

Once Pera finally made it to the palace, he was surprised to find a massive crowd blocking any chance of entering through the front gates, and he stopped, at a loss for how to get in. He found his opportunity in the form of a small door on the side of the gates, and with some cajoling, pulled it open. It opened to a small cobblestone path that trailed off into dense foliage. He was mildly surprised to see any sort of plant life, even if the trees and leaves were disturbingly grey, given the lack of it throughout the rest of the city. He traveled down the path until he came across a wrought-iron bench where Mordukai was sitting, gazing at something off in the distance. 

“You summoned me, my lord?”

Mordukai uncrossed his legs and looked at him with surprise, as if he hadn’t heard him approach. “Ah. Yes. The summer groom. Come, sit with me for a moment.”

Hesitantly, Pera approached and sat on the bench, keeping as far a distance as the bench would allow. In the back of his mind, he thought it was ridiculous how uneasy he felt around a man who he spent the first half of near every year around, who he felt bold enough to _stare_ at. The other, more sensible part, knew that the circumstances were different now, that this was no longer familiar territory. 

“You’re causing quite the commotion, child.”

Pera cast his eyes down, examining his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

The god laughed quietly, making the man look up in confusion. “I don’t imagine you did. Don’t look so scared. I didn’t call you here to reprimand you. As for what’s going on outside, I’m glad for it. It’s past time for my husband to deal with the repercussions of his actions. Gods know he stopped listening to me ages ago. No, I called you here to speak of your man, the one who traveled all this way. Today he gained an audience with Zavan to try and convince him to free you.”

“I’m not sure I deserve to be freed.”

“Oh child.”

“He came down here for love, but…” Pera looked over Mordukai’s shoulder, not wanting to meet the god’s eyes. “...I don’t know that either of us deserve that love. I think these walls are the most love I can even have now.”

Mordukai stood and examined Pera for a while before extending a hand. “Hmmm. Come with me.” He went further down the path, bringing Pera to his garden, leading him gently by the hand. This garden was the most vibrant part of Ani, the only patch of actual color since he'd left the surface. More than the red of rust and fire and the black of smoke. Pera realized that this must be where Mordukai's pomegranate trees were. But with more searching around, he realized that there was more than just the trees. Poppies, lilies, carnations, hyacinths, foxgloves, and dahlias of all shades bloomed as far as the eye could see. 

“What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful.”

“He planted this for me, when we first started courting. I thought it was sweet. He did it with his own two hands. You’re like him in little ways. I wonder if that’s why he singled you out, more than just by random luck. But nevermind that, that’s not why I brought you here. Let me tell you something.”

\---

Zavan led Xion into the palace, saying nothing and ignoring Xion’s questions, so he fell silent. They came to a vast throne room, lit with the same electric lights as the rest of Ani, but these ones produced a warmer light, mimicking torches in a way that softened the harshness of the black marble and steel that made up the room itself. Two high-backed thrones stood upon a dais, and Xion shrank back from them on instinct. They radiated power in a way that only the gods themselves did, ancient things, half object and half symbol.

“Well?” Zavan’s harsh question made Xion tear his eyes away from the room and recall his true purpose. “Didn’t you have something you wanted to beg me for?”

Xion took a deep breath and steadied himself. “Release my husband from whatever contract he signed. Let him come home with me.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” There was a tone to the question that made Xion’s lip curl in disgust. He was _laughing_ at him.

“Why wouldn’t it be? What on _Earth_ could have made me come all this way if that _wasn’t_ what I wanted?”

“I see something of myself in you, young man. I was in love, once, I had a held a man too. You know how it feels now, though. Lovers are slick as eels, escaping from your hold no matter how tightly how you try to hold onto them. Come on, you can’t tell me you still want someone who would betray you so easily?”

“He didn’t-”

“Trust me, he did. If I’m being honest, I’m surprised he hadn’t left before I came along He was all skin and bones and broken spirit. All it took was one quick spin and little whisper in his ear and he was practically dying to come with me right then and there. Xion, was it? I’m only trying to help. Listen to me, go back topside, find someone new. Let me tell you how to tie this one down.”

He sideled over to Xion, throwing an arm around his shoulders in a overly familiar gesture. “Hang a gold chain around their throat. Shackle them in silver bracelets.”

Xion pushed himself away from Zavan, the disgust growing. “What are you saying? You’re saying I should _chain someone_ to me?”

“It’s the best way to keep them from flying like your little firebird did. Oh, and, make sure you get a wedding ring this time. The best way to remind someone where they belong is a physical one. Mortals used to tie strings around their fingers to help them remember things; personally I think the gold is an upgrade.”  
Any thoughts of being cordial or reverent were gone. This wasn’t someone who could be reasoned with anymore. He was twisted, bent, bitter. This was how Ani had become so corrupt, how could it not have with him shaping it? “Gods you’re _horrible_. No wonder Mordukai always seems so drained come springtime. How can he stand to be anywhere _near_ you? This is how you built your kingdom? Preying on the weak and starving?”

\---

“When we met, we were young. Well, young in the relative sense, I suppose. Young, love hungry fools. He was an oddity, and I was curious, and so was he. My sister-” he broke off with a chuckle. “Well Yala didn’t much care for him then, same as now, but I ignored her. And for a time, it was beautiful. And we began to build something here. I’d never dwelled in one place permanently before, did you know that? Death has always been welcome anywhere, so I found no need.” Noting Pera’s confused expression, he continued on quickly. “Oh the souls have always been here, I just never was. But Zavan had _ideas_ and, me being me, I indulged him. Maybe a little too much. Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you?”

“Not at all, my lord.”

“Hmmm, well. Yes. I’m being obtuse. My apologies. I’m trying to say that I’m no stranger to love, and certainly not to Zavan’s love. But this, these walls? These aren’t it. This is him being a vulture, a miser. Toxicity has seeped into the very land itself here, child. To stay here is to wither. Love is not a gilded cage, and all the wealth found here can never amount to it, either.”

Mordukai knelt down and deftly plucked a dahlia so maroon it look black, snapping its stem clean in the middle. He lifted it to his nose, inhaling its scent deeply before pushing some of Pera’s hair behind his ear and pinning it there with the flower. The petals tickled the side of his face, but he didn’t move, too stunned to do anything but continue to look at Mordukai with wide eyes.

“Love was when he planted this garden for me, when he dropped to his knees and begged me to allow him to be mine. I let him lay me in the dirt, and we were married then. It was simplistic, but it was beautiful. This city, this kingdom of our, it’s become warped since then. I don’t know when it started, but I do know it’s time to set things back to rights. Do you understand now?”

Pera closed his eyes and breathed in slowly through his nose. He thought of Xion, sunlit and orating. Of him with charcoal absently swiped across his face. Of how he twisted his limbs with Pera’s in the night to keep him close. 

“Yes. I think I do now.”

\---

Rage flickered across Zavans face, but he pulled a hand down his face and it was gone, replaced with an eerily vacant smile. “Look, I remember what it was like to be young. I remember how hot blooded I was. But people come and go all the time. If he left you once, he’ll do it again. People leave again and again, take it from me.” He began to walk up the stairs to the dais, magnetically drawing Xion behind him. Xion stopped on the third step, trying to figure out what he was doing. “I moved on, you should to. I found something better to depend upon. The music of my machinery! The heavy metal sound the reverberates is my newfound symphony! People can strum lyres, they can sing ditties, but you see me? _I conduct the electric city_!” He collapsed in one of the thrones, and swung one leg over one of the arms of it. “I’ll tell you what, _Xion_. Since my husband’s such a _fan_ , I’ll give you one chance to sway me. Sing me a song, recite a poem, whatever it is that you do that snags peoples’ attention. Make a king feel young again!”

Xion pushed the sick sinking feeling that was rising in his stomach down and took a deep breath. _You’re doing this for Pera._ He reminded himself. _You’re here to save the most important person in your life from the hands of a sick twisted place run by a sick twisted man_.

“Once upon a time, there was a man…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey? you know how hades never got held accountable for his creepy bullshit? NOT HERE


	15. Chapter 15

“Once there was a man, and he traveled the land, looking for something. What it was, he didn’t know, but as he wandered, he learned. He learned about people, and about creating things, and about how to build things that he thought would last. One day, during his travels, he came across a man. He’d met many people in his travels, of course, but this one was different. He saw him, and something in his heart shifted, and suddenly he wanted to know more than he could learn with just his head. 

“He was beautiful, wreathed in sunlight, surrounded by flowers as he sat in in a garden. The man approached him, and the two began to converse. They taught each other the things they knew, and learned about each other, and slowly, they fell in love. The sister of the beautiful man was untrusting, and when she realized what was going on, she mourned the loss of her brother, and the world died around them. But before that, the wandering man learned to love the sun, and the flowers, and the faint taste of honeyed wine that always seemed to linger on the lips of his lover. And his lover taught him to love the deadly beauty of winter, of the way the earth thrummed with life even as everything above it died, and to care for the souls of those who he ruled over. The pair returned to the lover’s domain, and the man saw that, while the kingdom might have its own beauty, it was no place fit to live. Dwellings existed, scattered about, and the king had his own humble abode as well, but it was not a home. So the man became to build something that would last, someplace suitable for his lover to live, and maybe, eventually, for him to live as well. He used all he had learned in his travels to build a palace fit for two such as them, and eventually, the citizens of the land began to help as well, for they, too, loved their king. As the final touches were added, he began to plant a garden of sorts in secret. He enlisted the help of another he had met, one who controlled the plants, and created beautiful plants that would thrive in darkness. He wanted his love to have something to else to tend to that would remind him of the garden they had met in.

“When the new home was complete, he revealed it with pride. But his lover was troubled. _‘It seemed awfully big,’_ he remarked, _‘to live all alone in.’_ _‘Maybe so.’_ Was all the man said, and continued to show him around, until they came to the garden. While his lover was speechless, the man took his lover by the hands, and, falling to his knees, begged his lover to allow him to be his. The lover agreed, and knelt down with him on the soft earth, and their love was beautiful. 

“But they couldn’t remain in the kingdom of death forever. More and more people were arriving everyday, and they realized that they must set things to rights. So they returned to the surface and found the world a wasteland. The man pleaded and begged and raged at the sister, but nothing would move her. Seeing that nothing else could be done, the brother took his sister down to his kingdom, showing her the lives she had destroyed in her blind rage, and also the things his husband had built for him. Seeing the results of her actions, as well as the physical proof of just how much the man was willing to do for her brother, the sister’s heart finally melted. She was slowly killing the world, and as she realized this, she was struck with shame. A bargain was struck, one where her brother would spend half the year caring for his subjects and living with his husband, and the other half with her on the surface. 

“While not perfect, it was an acceptable arrangement, and for many years, all lived in harmony. Every spring and summer, the man would keep his hands busy to keep his mind off how much he missed his husband. He built a city for the dead, replacing the scattered houses with sprawling apartment buildings. Soon, the city became so lively that even the living abandoned the world above for the promise of the world below, and for a time, things were good. But one spring, while his husband was gone, the man was struck with a twisted worry: what if what had happened once before happened again? What if the sister turned against the world and all fell to ruin? What was to stop the people from flooding the city (now called Ani) and destroying all he had built for his husband? So, to keep it all safe, he began walling the city off from the rest of the world, and in doing so, began walling parts of himself away as well. Soon, he was unrecognizable, and cruel king with a heart of stone and a fist of iron. No longer did blood pump through his heart, but steel.

“His husband no longer recognized him after some time, and it came to a point that the two fell apart, married only in name.”

Xion slowly found himself inching up the stairs as he told his story, the story of Zavan and Mordukai. He barely noticed how enthralled the god slowly seemed to become, emotions rising to the surface as Xion reminded him of the past. Once he was nearly halfway to the throne, he cleared his throat and readied himself to begin again. His throat was sore and his mouth dry, but he knew he had to keep talking. This was the only chance he had at regaining his own happiness. The strength of his love was the only thing fueling him now.

And what has become of the heart of that man, now that the man is king? Now that he has everything? The more he has the greater the weight of the world on his shoulders. Do you see, now, how he struggles beneath that load? Afraid to look up, and afraid to let go. He keeps his head low, and he keeps his back bending. He’s too afraid that he'll lose what he’s built. But, but what he doesn't know is that what he was clutching was like sand in his fist, lost from his grip because his fist was too tight. Please. Zavan. Man made god made king. Where is the treasure inside your chest? Where is the man of your youth? Where is the man who knelt in the garden with nothing to lose? What happened to he who would destroy the world for his love? How could you remember that man, and not understand how I am here, begging with my heart in my hands?” He was now at the foot of the throne, and he could see tears shining in the king’s eyes. Xion was taken aback at the reaction, but he did his best to keep his reaction down, not wanting to risk breaking the illusion. He had one last trick up his sleeve, and he bent slightly in a bow and kissed the silver and onyx ring on Zavan’s left hand. “Please.”  
He didn’t look up until Zavan cleared his throat, drawing Xion’s eyes back to his face. The king suddenly looked haggard, as if he hadn’t slept in many months. “Go,” he commanded, his voice hoarse. “And find your husband. I will make my pronouncement at dawn. Now, begone from my sight, I no longer wish to see you.”

Xion nearly tripped backwards over himself trying to hurry down the stairs without running. His heart was in his throat as he exited into the main hall and began to run through corridors, trying to find the exit. Instead of the big doors he had entered through, though, he found a small side door that led out into a lush garden. But his eyes were only drawn to one thing: Pera staring at him wide eyed from Mordukai’s side. Xion ran over to him, sweeping him into a tight hug that Pera returned this time. He pulled back to answer the question written over his husband’s face. “We’ll know at dawn.”

“I wish you two the best of luck.” Mordukai said, touching them both on the shoulder. “I truly do. Pera, you remember how to leave, yes? Be sure to do so when you’re done here.”

Mordukai left them alone, and Xion pulled Pera back to him.

“I guess we’ll see then.” Pera murmured, pressing a small kiss to the junction of Xion’s neck and shoulder.

“Here’s hoping it was enough. Oh gods, please let it have been enough.”

From the bushes, three women exchanged mischievous glances, and then vanished.

**Author's Note:**

> i know it would make more sense characterize to Mordukai as Hades, but tell me Zavan wouldn't industrialize a whole nation just bc he was pissy his husband left
> 
> as always, comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated. i can be found [here](https://theunacceptablepylades.tumblr.com/) on tumblr or [@thedaedpoets](https://twitter.com/thedaedpoets) on twitter. and if you like what i write, consider buying me a [coffee](https://ko-fi.com/queerlydeparted)


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